“When you dance, you experience God, that fierce force, the energy that is universe. Its power, its infinite wisdom, become part of you. In these moments, I don’t think, I know that there is something beautiful and good and loving underpinning everyone and everything. That’s not to say that dancing on this earth isn’t going to cause us its own kind of pain. As we move in the Mystery, we have to offer all of ourselves back to the dance, and there’s room for blisters, wounds, and healing there.” GABRIELLE ROTH
There are a hundred voices in my head, not just one for and one against. They wish to please my ego, the people I care about who love me no matter what, and the people I don’t even know, the society that perhaps I do not belong to. I go down into my belly, I relax it with breath, allowing it to soften, my knees drop lower, I am closer to the ground, closer to myself, closer to the answer which I had known from the beginning.
On my shoulders, responsibility that is not all mine, a sense of importance that is holding me back instead of lifting me up, tension that is offering false promises of achievement and success. I breathe deeper into my chest, expanding the space for my heart that sometimes contracts deeply. It contracts although it is full of energy, full of passion, full of life. My heart is totally dedicated to life.
I am walking ahead of myself, leaning forward, as if I needed to cross the finish line. I am in a hurry in my head as well as in my feet. As if somebody or something was pushing me. I am afraid to look whether there is really something behind me. I take a deep breath in and out, and I stand in the middle, in my centre. That is when I can feel the support behind me that I can lean on. It is close enough for me to lean on it when I need it, and far enough so as not to push or steer me. So what if I arrive a little bit late to wherever I am going, it is far better to turn up standing tall, open, centred, and supported.
I have a question that I like to ask myself: “What is really important right now?” Somehow that question brings me back to the present moment, to the things that are within my power, to the first next step that sets the direction, back to that for which all else must be let go of.
Right now for me it is important to be a mother and to stay at home.
With love, Silvija