August 2020

“Another woman dancing chaos in the same workshop had a vision of herself as a little girl who couldn’t have fun. In the dance she tried to make herself have fun. I told her this wasn’t a good idea. Rather than impose a feeling upon her dance, she should enter into the dance that she was avoiding, the dance of not having fun, and dance it fully, dance through it until it changed. There are no good or bad or better or worse dances; there is only the dance itself.” GABRIELLE ROTH

I want to crawl under the pressure in my chest, to sway the weight on my shoulders, to waltz the tension in my elbows, to meander the tightness in my hips, to unlace the constrictions in my knees and to drag the lethargy of my feet. 
I need to rest my doing in my being, to lay down my expectations, to receive the gift of the breath that keeps coming, to drop the pushing and relax the pulling.
I want to tap dance in the stream of worries, to march with the heat of frustration, to plunge into throbbing disappointment, to clap with the tingly delight and go homeward to the tenderness of this caring heart. 
I need to rest the rattled in the rooted, to direct the outraged towards the integrity, to comfort the inconsolable in the sea of love, to make space for the abundance of gratitude and to feel us all as one heart. 
I want to spin with the loops of my thoughts, to shake the shit out of relentless judgements in my mind, to melt the beliefs of my own unworthiness, to wriggle through the spiderwebs of regrets and to release into wilderness the constant “what if”s. 
I need to rest from the exhausting planning of the worst case scenarios, to free myself from the safety of suffering, to let go of the addictive habit of wanting to be the best or the worst, to recharge in the break through and to trust the mystery of the unknown. 
I want to burst with the juicy sweetness, to soar into delight,  to leap into unlimited possibilities , to tiptoe with curiosity and to expand into enchantment. 
I need to rest my eyes from watching into seeing, to connect intimately with the present moment, to allow pleasures of playfulness, to stop running on empty and let my soul fulfil the blanks. 
I want to be sensual with my inner world, to innovate this moment with my breath, to celebrate my emptiness, to blossom from the wisdom of my mistakes and to commit to radical self-honesty knowing there is no one truth. 
I need to rest in knowing that I belong here and now, to make peace with the unavoidable endings, to remember what love is, to return to the source of my essence and let the spirit heal me. 
With love, Silvija