“Unacknowledged fear is, in fact, at the root of many of our lives. I discovered the pervasiveness of fear early on in teaching movement and massage, since fear inhibits movement and keep us literally uptight. We live in fear of our emotions and develop all kinds of strategies and coping mechanisms to avoid experiencing them.” GABRIELLE ROTH

I was thinking one day about what could I do to face my fears: jump with a parachute, go in a deep dark cave, dive into icy water and then I realised that I have so many fears that look so “ ordinary”, so everyday, so normal that I can just pass by them and not really notice them. And still, they really freak me out, they shake my legs, they shut my mouth and eyes, they sweat the palms of my hands, they clench my belly, they make me smaller, they sunk my chest. They feel like real thing. 

I am scared of how I can move in circles and can’t see the way out. I am scared of losing ground under my feet. I am scared of being dependent, of my constant needs and of how much my body needs me. I am scared of being paralysed by my fears and to live comfortably numb.

I am scared of saying how I feel before somebody asks me how I feel. I am scared of waiting to be asked how I feel by somebody and forgetting to ask myself how I feel. I am scared of the numbness and indifference that my heart can feel. I am scared of how rough and hard and critical I can be to myself and how it spills out to my loved ones. I am scared how successful I can be in my defensiveness at the times when I actually need intimacy and contact.

I am scared of my wholeness, of how the things that I find wrong with me are in tension with the things in me that I find acceptable. I am scared to end before it is finished. I am scared to pass on the pain. I am scared to abandon myself alone in my suffering. 

I am scared to show my loneliness as it is an old and heavy burden. I am scared to loose my hope in my sadness. I am scared there will never be enough. I am scared to be a lost case and to loose the plot. I am scared of how much I believe that I am unloveable. I am scared that I missed the beauty of life, the sweetness of love, the play of light, the grace of nature, the simple goodness. I am scared that all of this was for nothing. I am scared that it is too late.

All these fears are showing me where to bring attention instead of shame, where I am still learning instead of being arrogant, where to ask for help instead of isolating, where to just sit and breathe with instead of fix it or change it, where I need to dance and then dance some more instead of think again about it, where to hold your hand, where to show up instead , where to stay instead of run away, where to love instead of judge.

When we meet our fear we uncover what we are really protecting and we start to feel our aliveness; when we express our anger we show what we are defending and we meet our boundaries around our softest part; how when we release through our sadness we get closer to what we really care about and how deeply we love; how when we share our joy we lift the veil from our own light – and all that is so vulnerable and so powerful.

It takes courage to welcome fear. It is at the edge of anger where can find forgiveness. It is so liberating to surrender through sadness. It is about sharing when joy shares its dances with us. It takes (comm)unity to feel like we belong.  

With love
Silvija

“If only we could drop judgement and move to a place of peace beyond struggle where there is nothing to be fixed, nothing to be changed, nothing to regret or even wish for. We would know then that we were living our destiny.” GABRIELLE ROTH

This is my prayer for new 2020, that was born from the fullness and magnificence of Tribal Dance workshop that danced 145 dancers from Old to New Year, from Flowing to Stillness, from separation to connection, from individual to tribal, from fear to courage. Special thanks to everybody who made this possible.

May I follow my destiny in the fluidity of Flowing.
May I speak my heart in the clarity of Staccato.
May I soften around my pain in the depths of Chaos.
May I share my light in the lightness of Lyrical. 
May I rest in peace in the silence of Stilness.

with love, 
Silvija

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” Melody Beattie

I am grateful to my body for making me get up from my bed to go to toilet, when the quicksand of inertia wishes to suck me deeper into its jaws. The more I resist, the deeper I sink, the more I feel guilty the deeper I sink, the more I am ashamed the deeper I sink. The more I relax, the wisdom of the body gets me out. The more I surrender, gravity rolls me around the floor, floor recieves me with open arms and legs. Like when you think you are drowning and when you put your feet down you discover it’s shallow enough to stand up. Sometimes that simple act of standing on my own to feet, taking a step, even if it’s backwards, brings me back to life, to my flow. I am grateful that my body needs air, rest, to strech, to empty, to nourish, to move.

I am grateful to movement, for through it I can express absolutely everything I feel, even when I don’t know what I’m feeling, even when I don’t feel a thing or feel everything at the same time. Through movement I can say things I’m afraid to hear spoken out loud, through movement I can yell so loud without hurting anyone, through movement I can curse and swear without offending anyone. Through movement I can crush, destroy, break, tear apart, disembowl and keep my hands clean, without needing to wash anybody’s blood from the floor. I am grateful that through movement I can stir energy inside me that is pent up, pushed down, forbidden, the energy that corrodes and gnaws from inside.

I am grateful to intuition that expertly knows all I have experienced so far so it feels very well that which hasn’t happened yet. Intuition that shines as a firefly in the darkness of all I know, that shimmers as a lighthouse in a storm of all that I think. I think that I have to have an opinion on everything. I think about how much I think. I drive myself crazy with what-ifs. I ask questions that don’t have an answer, I answer when nobody asked me anything just to say something, just to think something. Intuition that is so much in the present moment that it’s always a step ahead of me. Intuition that is not afraid of the dark, that in the darkness hears better the beating of the heart, the call of destiny.

I am grateful for sensitivity that reminds me how everything is temporary, how everything changes. Sensitivity to pain (mine and others’), sensitivity to injustice (mine and others’). I love my sensitvity to light, colour, sound, smell, touch, temperature. I love how different rhyhtms move my hips, how different voices move my arms, how different words move my shoulders, how different vibrations move my knees. It’s fun how I change when I dance with different people. It’s interesting how right when I’m copletely embodied, present, conected with my breath, right then I can disappear and be a wind in a meadow, water in your hands, earth that holds the seed, spark that dances in fire.

I am grateful that I have a possibility to chose gratitude even when things do not go according to my plan, even if in that moment I can see no goodness or lightness. I love when I can find gratitude at the end of my dance, especially when I feel that at the end of the dance the gratitude has found me. I am grateful that over and over again I keep finding myself in the dance and that I have the opportunity to meet all of you, through dance or through these words. Thank you.

Love, Silvija

“Dancing the 5Rhythms is about waking up to your most essential nature, stretching your intuition and imagination as surely as your body. It’s a formless form, one that expands your range of physical and emotional expression and introduces you to forgotten parts of your self.” Gabrielle Roth

FLOWING:
I want to feel safe when my feet touch the floor. I want to relax the weight of my body into the earth, into my steps and our common circles. I want to get comfortable within my own body, to feel my soft inside adjusting itself to feel as comfortable as possible.

STACCATO:
I raise my head up to let our eyes meet. I draw the boundaries with my elbows, I center my attention with my hips, I steer my knees through the space, I tell the truth with the heart in my chest. I respect the sharpness of the edges, I listen to the clarity of the exhalation, I see that each beginning has its end.
 
CHAOS: 
It is as if I have plunged and I feel the thoughts fluttering on the surface, but they’re no longer touching me. The body is so wild that it unbridles my mind which begins to create outside the box. It’s as if I’m plugged in some self-sustaining, non-polluting energy source. As if I had never had shackles, as if I had always known how to love, as if my poison is also my cure, as if my wound is at the same time my blessing, as if my vulnerability is also my strength.

LYRICAL: 
Swaying. Bouncing. Vibrating. Shivering. Swelling. Hopping. Floating. Shimmering. Fluttering. Pattering. Skipping. Crawling. Gliding. Kicking.  Swinging. Mingling. Drooling. Cooing. Gasping. . Hiccuping.

STILLNESS:
The echo of silence. The spiral of infinity. Resting in my own embrace. Recognition in the mirror. The breath is on the house. 

with love, Silvija

“Feelings are neither positive nor negative; they simply are elemental forces in our life energy with their own vibrations and functions.” GABRIELLE ROTH

What if emotions I feel are here to tell me something? What would they be communicating to me? Sometimes they are whispering, sometimes they are stuttering  sometimes they are mumbling, sometimes they are screaming…

Fear: “Feel your feet on the ground. Listen to your gut feeling. Open your eyes. Trust your senses. What are your options? What are your resources? You have a voice even if it is shaking. You can back up. You can leave. You can ask for help. You can hold my hand and we can do this together. Inhale 1,2,3,4, pause 1,2,3,4, exhale 1,2,3,4. Take care. No need to rush unless you need to run away. Your well-being is important to me. Pay attention. What is going on?”

Anger: “ Stand up. Be clear. Be direct. Stop the bullshit. Stop pretending. You are not a victim. Your feelings matter. You have right to ask for what you need. You have right to say what you don’t want. This is yours to defend. You deserve the truth. Walk the edge. You are important too. Respect your pain. Draw the line. Do it now.”


Sadness: “It’s ok to be disappointed. Of course it hurts to let go what you cared for, what you loved. Soften your face, rest your head on my shoulder. Allow your vulnerability. Your tears are releasing me. You don’t need to carry this alone. Forget your perfect offering. Let me break this tension. Let me cleanse the debris. Let me clear the air. Relax your spine. It’s ok to fall down on your knees. Your tears are beautiful. I love you. There’s nothing wrong with you feeling so sad, your heart feeling so bad. You can drop the armour now, let me pass through you. Open your mouth so I can sing my blues.”


Joy: “Shine on you crazy diamond. Mi casa, tu casa. What a relief to relax! It’s so beautiful, so beautiful. You are alive! Enjoy the moment. This sweetness has no calories. Join me. Welcome, the doors are open, and there were never locked. What a blessing! Spread your wings and fly. Follow the bliss. Go with ease. Focus on simple things. Touched by grace. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am yours and you are mine. As Gabrielle Roth would say: “Don’t be afraid to show your light.. If it ends up being too much for people.. tell them to wear sunglasses!””

Compassion: “There is both depth and vastness in your heart. I am good with the fullness and with emptiness. Your joy and pain are one. I see you. I feel you. You have my undivided attention. What is needed now, for this to be healing, for this to find completion, so you can move on and move through? Let me be the bridge from your heart to others. We are all in this together. See the bigger picture. Circle of life. Let it be. Rest in natural great peace. Keep breathing.”


Big thank you to the group of “The Art of the Heart” in Friedrichshof for inspiration!!
with love
Silvija